Week 4: Tweet Roundup

What’s the difference between a regular old reality show and a national phenomenon? Twitter traffic, of course. No Monday night Bachelor-viewing session is complete without perusing Twitter for instant analysis and opinions of the 30 contestants who are vying for love. But who has time to comb every inch of the web for the wittiest comments? We do. Here they are, in one neat little package.

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Week 3: Power Rankings

Well hello there, folks! Welcome back to the Bachelor Burn Book Power Rankings!

This week, Jimmy Kimmel came to town, and he basically did whatever the heck he wanted. He stole pillows, trolled the contestants, made fun of the show and forced Chris to take the girls on the most ridiculous dates ever. It was hilarious.

So, this inspired us to do whatever the heck we wanted for Power Rankings this week. We’re moving new girls to the top, pushing the frontrunners down (not literally), and we even moved Ashley S. out of last place. Shocking, we know.

Ashley S. face

So, without further ado, we present to you our latest Power Rankings!

Well, actually, first we present to you our obligatory overview of Power Rankings:

Every week, we’ll tell you who we think did the best, who did the worst and who got completely lost in the shuffle on the latest episode of The Bachelor. We’ll rank (and kind of judge) the women based on their interactions with each other and with Chris. Of course, we’ll factor in how we think Chris views each of his female suitors as well. Just think of it as if we’re seating the women at the appropriate tables in the Mean Girls cafeteria.

OK, now we present to you our latest Power Rankings!

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Week 3: Jimmy comes to town

In case you were wondering what it would be like to have the Bachelor Burn Book writers take over for Chris Harrison on the Bachelor…what Jimmy Kimmel did on Monday night was pretty much it.

Sneaking into the Bachelor’s house? Check.
Making fun of the the date card/entire date process? Check.
Crashing a date and trolling the participants? Check.
Fake crying and whining about getting sent home early? Check.

If we weren’t so devoted to Chris Harrison, we would totally move to have Jimmy Kimmel host this show. Instead, we’ll be content with his rare, but lovely, appearance during this season. It was glorious.

All that said, let’s not waste any more time. To the recap!
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Week 3: Tweet Roundup

What’s the difference between a regular old reality show and a national phenomenon? Twitter traffic, of course. No Monday night Bachelor-viewing session is complete without perusing Twitter for instant analysis and opinions of the 30 contestants who are vying for love. But who has time to comb every inch of the web for the wittiest comments? We do. Here they are, in one neat little package.

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Week 2: Power Rankings

So, as you can probably tell, we think about The Bachelor a lot during the week (a truth which we are not ashamed of), and we have reached the conclusion that this is most likely the best cast that ABC has put together on The Bachelor in a long time. I mean, we’ve got it all this season—stage-five clingers, quiet, pretty girls, habitual drunks, young and immature girls, airheads, funny girls, the sister of a former Bachelorette contestant, a virgin—and to top it all off, literally the craziest, most bizarre individual in the history of the planet.

This is the mecca of Bachelor casts, people. It just does not get any better than this.

And what better way to celebrate this spectacular cast than by judging them for all the weird and crazy things they did this week?

If you’re new to Power Rankings, here’s how the judging system works:

Every week, we’ll tell you who we think did the best, who did the worst and who got completely lost in the shuffle on the latest episode of The Bachelor. We’ll rank (and kind of judge) the women based on their interactions with each other and with Chris. Of course, we’ll factor in how we think Chris views each of his female suitors as well. Just think of it as if we’re seating the women at the appropriate tables in the Mean Girls cafeteria.

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Week 2: Drunk and stupid is no way to go through life

We don’t mean to alarm anyone, but it came to our attention last night that we might just be watching the greatest season of the Bachelor of all time.

Could this be premature? Absolutely. But it’s hard to deny that the past two weeks have been a one-two punch of crazy, drunken debauchery. We have been watching this show for much, much longer than we care to admit and we must say, without hesitation, that we have never laughed with as much joyful glee during any episode of any television as we have during the past two Mondays.

This could be the GOAT, y’all. So just sit back, relax and enjoy, because watching greatness as it unfolds is rare. And with this Bachelor, this cast and this season, we might be right in the midst of it.

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Week 2: Tweet Roundup

What’s the difference between a regular old reality show and a national phenomenon? Twitter traffic, of course. No Monday night Bachelor-viewing session is complete without perusing Twitter for instant analysis and opinions of the 30 contestants who are vying for love. But who has time to comb every inch of the web for the wittiest comments? We do. Here they are, in one neat little package.

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Week 1: Power Rankings

Helloooo, Bachelor Nation! At long last, the offseason is over and The Bachelor is back! We are super excited to be back tweeting with you all and, of course, judging a new batch of women. The void that we have felt for the last four months has finally been filled.

And this season, the producers have decided to bestow a nice little gift upon Bachelor Nation—five extra women to judge! We are overcome with glee.

So, as always, a new season means a new set of Power Rankings, which is always fun because we get to be really judge-y. If you just moved here from Africa and are new to Bachelor Burn Book, here’s how it works:

Every week, we’ll tell you who we think did the best, who did the worst and who got completely lost in the shuffle on the latest episode of The Bachelor. We’ll rank (and kind of judge) the women based on their interactions with each other and with Chris. Of course, we’ll factor in how we think Chris views each of his female suitors as well. Just think of it as if we’re seating the women at the appropriate tables in the Mean Girls cafeteria.

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Week 1: Onions!

We realized that this week’s episode of The Bachelor was three hours long at approximately 7:56 p.m. on Monday and we kind of flipped out.

Not in a good way, though. In a bad way. Three hours is a LONG TIME. How in the heck could this premiere merit three hours? A 180 minute run time should be reserved for the finale or a Bachelor in Paradise reunion or a Bachelor wedding. But a premiere? What were they thinking?

As it turns out, they were thinking that this was probably the best premiere of the Bachelor ever. We wholeheartedly agree. It was a triumph of the highest measure, and we’re pretty sure we killed at least five percent of our brain cells just watching it. And then we killed five percent more of them by watching it again to write this recap.

So let’s kick off this season in high style, shall we? Put on your fanciest gown, pretend you’re walking down a red carpet (why not? If Erica Rose can get a red carpet spot for literally doing nothing except wearing a tiara then so should you!), pour some wine and dig into the first recap of the season. It’s like watching the episode all over again!

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Week 1: Tweet Roundup

What’s the difference between a regular old reality show and a national phenomenon? Twitter traffic, of course. No Monday night Bachelor-viewing session is complete without perusing Twitter for instant analysis and opinions of the 30 contestants who are vying for love. But who has time to comb every inch of the web for the wittiest comments? We do. Here they are, in one neat little package.

Continue reading